In the Shower

All of my best epiphanies seem to occur in the shower.  Perhaps its the culmination of my thoughts and dreams the night before?  Perhaps its just the reality of my life: I don't get much "down time" unless it includes water falling on my head!?

This morning featured an odd moment that is still resonating with me as the day passes: I washed my hair twice.  Familiar at all?  Or am I pretty much out on the limb by myself on this one...

I did not do this in the way that, so I've heard, women sometimes wash their hair...and rinse...and wash...and condition and whatever.  I really don't have enough hair for all that.  No...I just completely forgot, distracted by my own thoughts no doubt, that I'd done it already!  Seriously.  As I put a dollop of shampoo in my palm I experienced one moment of "have I done this already?"  Then, as I lathered, I realized it: "yes, yes I have been here before...mere seconds ago, in fact!"

Now, this may be a great argument against multitasking in general (reports of which I've actually read lately from the scientific community - God help me if its true because, candidly, I'm multitasking right at this moment), but for me it shined an immediate spotlight on an uncomfortable truth about my walk with the Lord: rinse, wash, repeat.

Let me be clear: it is my desire to change and become a better man - a better "God Lover," I suppose - as I live each day after the next.  And in some ways I live out that intent.  In some ways I live toward the ever-increasing-ness that Christ has to offer.  In some ways, in fact, I've stopped rinsing and washing and repeating the same old mistakes.

But in many ways I still live in the midst of that cycle.

And in most ways it seems to stem from my own distractedness more than from my intent.

And, one more, in ALL ways I believe it reflects the foundational mistake of "trying" as opposed to "being."

You see, when I try to live change by change...event by event...I inevitably fall into the habits with which I'm most comfortable.  When I live changed my habits are a constant reflection of my foundational orientation and beliefs.  One good friend of mine sums this up all the time with the help of Morpheus (from the Matrix trilogy):

"There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path."

2 Corinthians 10:3-6 says it this way: "For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

I suppose those two quotes may not look quite the same. Not immediately, at least. And yes, I think the idea of "holding every thought captive to Christ" has never before sounded the same to me as the idea of "walking the path," either.  But I'm beginning to believe that they really, really are...the same.  Ultimately this is about BEING, not doing.  Its about having faith that my actions will, inevitably, reflect (or betray) who I really am - not about policing my actions in spite of my faith.

Interesting to note: this idea of taking my thoughts captive comes in the context of a battle.  Its like everyone in the world is engaged in a fight, and we are called to fight differently.  Specifically, Paul urges this idea of obedience to Christ IN DIRECT OPPOSITION to the way in which the world wages war.  It is a DIFFERENT weapon, he says.  Not like "the world" but with the "divine power to demolish strongholds!"

So what does this have to do with the shower?  With my persistent distraction and my unfortunate default setting: rinse, wash, repeat?

When the world desires change it begins with behavior.  It begins with focused and persistent attention and some measure of aversion therapy.  In the world I must be on constant watch to prevent myself from making the same mistake...and, in my case, that constant watch is hard to maintain.

When the Lord desires change, He invites us...to change.  He invites us to borrow His authority and act in His divine power "to demolish strongholds" by resting in His knowledge and holding ourselves captive to Him.  Even in the midst of typing that sentence, I so easily shift my focus to the way of the world: "must...hold...captive...must...grit...teeth...must...hold...on."  But I don't believe that gritting my teeth is the promise - the promise is delivered in His power, in the reality of His ability to change...and in the power of LIVING changed.

If this is true then holding myself captive is really lived out in pursuit of Him, not in opposition to anything else.

So, to revisit the shower where I started...and to horribly twist the analogy (breaking it, I'm sure): if I could just get my mind around the idea that my hair is already clean (washed clean by Him)...I wouldn't wash it over and again no matter how distracted I became?

Yep, I knew it would break.