I've had an interesting 10-14 days. Remarkable, in some regards. Trying in others. I live in a constant state of risk/reward - its the life of sales, I suppose...but it is somehow still true in my walk, as well.
Saturday before last I had the opportunity to speak at my church's Men's Breakfast. I hoped to present some avenue of insight into my personal story and preview a concept that will be revisited this coming weekend as we tackle the topic of sex and the lies we believe from the enemy about our own desires. While sex and lust are far more compelling topics for men, I hoped to reveal the same subject matter -- the lies of the enemy -- in a different facet.
In my life I've wrestled quite a bit, life-long I suppose, with ego and validation and pursuit versus loss. Risk/reward. I've come to understand that one tactic of the enemy is to point to my victories, particularly those in pursuit of kingdom goals, and whisper a lie into my ear: "Its all about me."
What's remarkable about kingdom living is how God works to heal wounds...even when we are trying to reveal His truth in the midst of those wounds. That sounds difficult, so I'll explain: I was preparing to expose myself in a venue to discuss my "ego issues" -- a position that lends itself exactly to the "ego issues" which I hoped to describe!
So, preparing to talk with some candor also lent itself to feeling a need for affirmation, validation, and...well...a stroke or two of the old ego! What I found is that God provided me respite and prepared my heart through good friends and men around me, timely reminders of His desire to delight in our achievements (and His invitation to enjoy that delight) and, even more remarkably, a sense of peace and the chance to rest.
Resting is not something I do very well.
It is through that growing peace...with myself and my role in God's economy, that I feel called to share that talk (for those who care to listen) without carrying quite the same burden I have in the past for any accolades...or more specifically any lack thereof. If you have 33 minutes and 50 seconds to spare, please feel free to listen to the story I shared about the loss of my daughter, the writing of a play, and the crushing lie of the enemy in my life.
UPDATE: Player stopped working at some point so please use the link below...
Clicking on this link will take you to a 4shared.com page where you can listen on an embedded player...or I think you can download and even rip/burn/whatever a copy of the MP3 here: 4shared.com link. Happy listening!
No comments:
Post a Comment